the past few days have been really hard for me. for the most part everything has been fine, but periodically i'm struck by waves of sadness and anger. some of the time there are little things that remind me of pete, or the fact that he's gone, other times nothing at all.

i feel like i've been stuck between two very different modes of being, opposing consciousness even. in one i feel normal and fine and the world is turning. in the other, i can't help but stare off into space and numb my brain as quickly as possible. it's hard to deal with so many different emotions all at once: fear, sadness, guilt, anger. i feel totally schizophrenic.