today is monday: the day after sunday, which is the day after saturday, my brother's birthday, which is the day after friday, the day he died. i've been home now for about 36 hours, and last night i was actually able to sleep through the night.
now i'm awake, but everyone else is still sleeping.
i've gotten so many phone calls and emails over the past few days. it's been really amazing how many people have reached out to me. to be honest i still can't really believe that all of this is actually happening.
some of peter's friends from work came over to the house last night. it's great spending time with my friends of course, but it was really really good to talk to people who knew him well and who could laugh with me about all of the ridiculous quirks that made my brother such a unique and amazing person.
he was so charming when he wanted to be. he could make old ladies and diner waitresses giggle with the most ridiculous lines. i was never quite sure why they worked, but he pretty much always got a smile. he was very serious about his clothing; everything needed to coordinate just so. a friend of his from work told me that pete used to rib him about the clothes he was wearing, that is so my brother, so something that he would do. i suppose we weren't so different in that regard.
the kids at the center where he worked in chicago used to make him these string bracelets. he always wore them to work to show them how much it meant to him to receive them. he was the kind of guy who would wear a necklace made out of pasta every day so that some little kid who made it could know that she was special. he was kind, and caring and a little bit ridiculous. but now the funniest thing is that the ridiculous things that he did, the ways in which he was just himself, are the things that i will miss most and the things that take my breath away.
1 comment:
Eve,
My name is Doree McNulty, and you do not know me. I am a friend of Meagen Mealer's, and we work together. I lost my baby brother in August. This tragedy will bring you a feeling of an individual loss, but please know there are other adults who lost siblings. We are also dealing with this terrible truth. I know you feel alone and your world is spinning around and around, I am lving proof that you will survive this. i am still sad every day, I know this feeling all too well.
My brother died of Viral eningitis on August 23, 2008. He was born on Thanksgiving 1974, so this past weekend was almost tougher than the actual week of his burial. I still cannot believe my family and I are going through this. I pray to my angels on a daily basis that I get the ability to turn back time and re-do all of July to and August to spend more time with him.
Tony was the baby, he was 33. I am 39, there were 4 kids in our family. We were as close as siblings could be, always with one another, even preferred playing with each other to playing with kids in the neighborhood. We were so into our world, we put on plays and music concerts in our basement, even lip synched to Neil Diamond songs. We had so many laughs and sad times, but we always atayed together as a family.
I lost a baby January 2008, and Tony was so supportive, moreso than my boyfriend.
Your brother sounds like a gregarious and happy person. People are very lucky to have known him and be touched by him. A beautiful light taken much too soon.
Don't be afraid to talk to him, he is here only not in his body. He can hear your prayers, they are little lights to his heart. I know each person has their own belifs, but I feel my brother is in some metal show someplace, being a roadie for Randy Rhoads or some other passed on rock star legend. I have to think that he is in a cool place, not a cloudlike environment but something he would think is Nirvana-esque.
Please know that I know. I know that it's surreal, it's not what you thought would happen over a holiday that is supposed to be full of fun and laughter. My brother was sick from August 11, 2008-23 August when he passed away. Through some type of Divine Goddess intervention my parents drover to his apartment to check on him, and he was passed out with the illness. They knew he was sicl but had no idea, and when he did not call in to work my dad felt the need to race over there. They saved his dignity and life that day. I think them for that. He was in the hospital until August 19th, the day he and I were supposed to go to a Judas Priest concert. He was bummed out about that. i tol dhim there would be other events, other things we could enjoy together. He was making plans while in the hospital, and I know now the things he was saying were not for this life, I know he knew. The beautiful thing in all this, he came home for 3-4 days after the hospital to spend his last day w/ my mom and dad at the house we all grew up in. It's like he knew but we were hopeful he would make it. he was obese and pre-diabetic, but was never in the hospital for that, only recently did he get sick, maybe three months before he passed. I feel maybe I could have done something, but I can't go down that road.
If you feel like emailing my email is dynastykiss79@msn.com
I can take any amount of screaming, and it may do you good talking to a person outside of the circle as they may be dealing with it in their own way.
My prayers are with you,
Blessed Be,
Doree McNulty
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