on the eve of bill's arrival

so ladies and gentlemen -
the year has passed like a ship through dark still water and my time in italy draws to a close. i'm not sure how this much time has managed to slip by so quickly but it has nonetheless.

it's strange really to be left with anxiety knowing that this year away, this challenge, this life altering event that has defined my identity in a time of rapid change is now passed and i am once again left to re-define myself for and by myself. the process of assimilating the new me, the former-expatriate-former-sibling-someone's-wife-me back to a life that i left behind brings with it no small measure of anxiety to be sure. it's hard not to fear that my life here will somehow slip away because, back at home, i'm the only one who knows about or understands it. i can try to share it with the people around me, but they don't know what it's like here, what it's like to be me here. in a few short days i can attempt to put it all on display for bill, but somehow that seems like a fool's errand.

so tomorrow morning, i will go to the airport, greet my husband whom i've missed very very much, and make it work, because that's all i can do.