Excuse my unintentionally long absence. I've been finishing up with work and trying to mentally tie up some loose ends before focusing on the next step.
Italy is rapidly approaching and I'm not really sure how to feel about it. Of course I'm excited, and completely terrified, and excited and terrified. I wish it didn't feel slightly bitter sweet, knowing that I'll be living without Bill, something that I don't want to do and haven't done in the past three years. It's a little bit daunting, the idea of being alone again. The fierce and determined independence which drove my life before Bill somehow seems like a distant memory to me now.
I know that I have an amazing future ahead of me and that this is just the first step in a series of new beginnings and opportunities. I am truly excited about going back to school and flexing my brain a little bit. It's been a long long time since I've been charged with wrapping my mind around purely intellectual pursuits. I suppose this will be different in that it's a much more practical knowledge base that I will be acquiring than say for example a degree in modern literature from UC Santa Cruz. I'm excited nonetheless, and truthfully am not sure that I have the patience any longer for such esoteric undertakings as that on a grand scale anyway. The Rachel who I am now, is not the Rachel that I was in college...that's for sure.
So, I am resolute that I must swallow my fear and revel in the fact that I am one of the rare ones who gets to live my dreams, not just endlessly dream them.
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